Final Sprint

I have officially become the worst blogger ever. Just a total lack of care for writing one I guess. I see that my last post was March 31st so sorry for not keeping you up on the times.

I guess I'll just start at the beginning of the month. So we had Rapid Deployment which was at the shooting range. Doing room clearing and approach techniques with the M-16. On this day Squad Alpha Jaw was born. This stupid nickname I've been given was applied to our squad. All of my best friends here were in it. We are basically the group of people that everyone hates because we get "into" everything we do. Making fun of how easy the PT sessions are and being really tactical with our actions everywhere. I guess people find it annoying. As a class we have really grown apart and are dissolving fast. Good thing we are almost done here. People may start killing each other soon. Easter weekend was nothing special. Sucked being away from home and I didn't really do anything fun with the 4 day weekend.

After Easter we did the Field Sobriety Testing stuff. Easy if you ask me. Then after that we did our rifle qualification. We had to shoot reduced targets from the 50 yard line which simulates a 100 yard target. I shot 4 30/30 qualifiers which felt good.

The next week we did mainly Woodland Operations. Which is just like, navigating with a compass and playing in the woods. After that we had our patrol skills practicals. These are tough. Just really stressful couple of days. I did fine thanks to my friend Robert Toler. He is really good at them and helped me get through them successfully.

This week we had our courtroom testimony day. Basically had to take one of our Patrol Skills tickets and present it as a court case. I did fine with that but sitting on a wooden bench for the other 7.5 hours was pretty sucky. Yesterday was our last PT session. We had two groups. One did a 1.5 mile run (losers) and the rest of us (9) ran a 3.5 mile course that we call the winners circle. It has one of the longest and steepest hills I've ever seen. About 3 times the height of Reids Hill south of Frankfort for those that know where and what that is. We ran it at a faster pace than normal too and finished it with a 200yd sprint. Felt pretty good honestly. I am amazed that I could hardly run a mile without keeling over before all this and now I volunteer for a 3.5 mile run and tell the leader to sprint the last part. This place has at least let me know that I can do more than I think I can and that is a bonus I suppose.

Our 5th exam was cancelled for tomorrow and so now the only test I have left is the final. Super stressed about that one. Tomorrow we only have the 3rd PEB which is the one that counts. I found out today that the school here doesn't do the fitness award. So I've been killing myself with PT for no real reason. I really  wanted that sheet of paper which is stupid but I wanted to "show" my accomplishment. So we'll see how hard I try tomorrow since I can't bring any proof home.

After tomorrow we only have 2 class days left. Monday and Tuesday are our Park Practical days. Then just a final and once I complete the final, I will be so excited that I won't be able to sleep at all.

This will probably be my last blog since not much else will happen until I'm home. Thanks for those who read this and thanks for your thoughts throughout my whole ordeal here. It's been a long ride. I can't wait to tell the funny and sometimes sad or stressful stories.

See you all very soon!!!!
-Zach

My Apologies

Sorry, I know I haven't "Blogged" in a long time. I'm only doing it now because I woke up from a dream/nightmare and now can't sleep so I figured I'll make something quick to let you know I'm still alive in a way.

So we did the pistol qualifying stuff for about a week and a half. I did pretty good with all that. No problems passing anything. After that, I scraped by another test. Passed but cut it close, yet again.

My parents and sisters came down to see me for spring break and that was awesome. They were here when I got pepper sprayed and tasered, pepper spray being the most painful thing I have ever endured and overcome physically so I guess that's an accomplishment. We had our "red man" fighting drill the next day. Where we do a bunch of physical things to get "tired out" and then have to fight our 4th or 5th degree, can't remember which, black belt instructor who just beats the crap out of you while saying that he's going to kill you and that you are weak and pushes you past where you thought you go. So all that was fun that week.

Now we are driving, which I am pretty good at. I don't think I'm the best driver in the world, but I knew before I came here that I was pretty decent, and my driving scores prove that so yay for me I guess.

I know it's a short one but like I said, just woke up and just need to do something to get my mind off things. I'll try and "blog" more often but there is only a little over 4 weeks left here. Still excited to come home, but now the feelings are both excited and terrified. Hope this next month is a blur and it's all over soon.

-Zach

Boots 'n Cats

So today I didn't have to go to class. We have two Wednesdays off this month in case of bad weather aka snow or ice, but it hasn't happened yet so we just get the day off anyways. Sleeping in felt so good. Even though the past weeks have not been stressful, I'm still a heavy and long sleeper at heart. I finally got caught up with my laundry and got everything washed and folded perfectly. Vacuumed my car and leather treated the seats. Vacuumed the house and just watched Arrested Development for like 12 hours haha. Amazing really.

According to my calender I only have 43 training days left before I get to come home. This is not including weekends or days off. But it's like 57 days till I will be in my parents driveway. I'm really looking forward to the drive home because I bought an FM transmitter for my car and it has been amazing. No more burning CD's and it sounds really good. Having an iPod will help for sure.

The last few weeks have been pretty fun. We started doing firearms and have had a lot more free time throughout the days. More down time I should say. It helps me stay somewhat stress free. My mind feels much more at ease lately and I think having some time throughout the day to stop and just breathe has helped. I'm also hanging out with people in class outside of class and some other people I have met in the town. I like being with my new "friends" here outside of class. We went bowling last night and it was really fun. Not a huge group, just my class Sargent Robert, our class "Doc" Nathan, Emily, Mark Spain (Who is awesome), and Issac (who is gay but whatever he doesn't creep me out all the time). I would say that those people, minus Issac, are my closest friends here. The bowling alley is also where the local "younger" crowd hangs out so it's nice seeing people my own age and not just my class.

My roommate Sean, who is an active reserve marine, got called two days ago and found out that he was promoted to Captain and he is really excited and I'm happy for him. He is going to Africa to train a group of soldiers for something over there and he's really happy with all of this. This comes with a pay increase so he's also happy about that.

We got permission to use the hot tub that belongs to one of the other cabins so that is going to be nice after long workouts. I like having Sean's fiance here. She cooks very well, and the place is always clean. I feel bad but she seems like she enjoys taking care of us so I'll let her. They have an awesome dog that I love and he's super nice.

Other than that, not much has happened. Haven't gone hiking since the weather is rainy or cold here lately. It's supposed to warm up and I hope to hike again soon.

Hope you all are doing well who are reading this.
Thanks for your thoughts and time,

Zach

Feeling of success

So this week we had exam 3. Having to retake exam 2 was rough because I had to study for that all week and not prepare at all for exam 3. After passing the second exam, I felt pretty good and got right to studying for exam 3 for two days. I must say that last week was the most stressful week of my life. I can't even describe it to you because you wouldn't understand. But I did prevail over the exam. Which is a great feeling. I came into exam 3 pretty terrified, since I no longer have a retake to fall back on. Luckily I got out of it with an 83%. Passing two exams of this caliber, within 2 days of each other felt really good. We also had our Basic Tactics (SWAT) exam on the Monday before exam 3, which I did really well on so I actually passed 3 exams in 3 days.

This week was really long. We had the two exams on Monday and Tuesday, then we started basically a two day hell. We did 29 hours of Combat training in two days. Started with weapon retention and take-downs on Tuesday. How to frisk people and how to assess threats was also on Tuesday. Wednesday was the longest day, going till 10:30pm and starting at 7:45am. We did ground defense, judo, punching, kicking, gun retention, knife defense and assessment, basically everything with how to take a weapon from someone or how to dominate someone. I have never sweat so much in my life. We have a mat room which is about a 1/3 the size of a basketball court, with 8 foot ceilings and they won't open a door or anything for air movement. We raised the thermostat from 65 to 82 yesterday. 25 people doing all the stuff we had to do there was no way we wouldn't sweat. Also we were only allowed to take a sip of water every two hours, so we are all dehydrated now haha. We got to use partners and hit them while they held a pad to their chest. I quickly chose our class Sargent as my partner. He is an ex-marine and he is the one who pranked me by poking a hole in the top of my energy drink so that when I went to take a sip, it spilled on me. I told people I'd get him back. So for two days, I got to just rock his world with punches, heel palms strikes, kicks, hammers, or anything else I wanted to use on him. He kept having to put the bag down and take a break. I was destroying him. Best stress reliever in the world in my mind. My favorite exercise was high knee kicks to the chest. He held the bag to his chest, bent over, while I was told to grab the neck and arm and throw knees to the chest all the way down the room and back. He weighs 195 and every time I threw a knee, he came off the ground. I got to do this for an entire lap of the room. It felt so good. It was sad though that no one else wanted to be my partner for the exercises bahahahaha.

Today some people got together for some Chinese. Sargent showed up and said he has never been so sore. haha. Payback is nice. I'm nice to him now, he just knows not to mess with me.

Since we did so much the last two days they gave us today off. So tomorrow all I have to do is some firearms lecture and then I'm free for my 3 day weekend. I can't wait to relax to the max all weekend. Maybe do some hiking or something. I can't believe February is almost over. Although it's been a long month, it feels like a big week or something.

I'm hoping my body holds together long enough to make it though the rest of the time. My ankle still really bothers me, and I hyper extended my knee while doing Mule Kicks on Wednesday. Although I'm in decent shape, it doesn't make me invincible. I don't know how some people are still here, physically. Oh, well.

The next weeks are pretty firearm heavy and some driving will start soon. So some more fun to come!!

Still surviving,

Zach

Barely made it.....

So I don't know what I talked about last so I'll just start talking. So I failed to meet the passing grade for test 2 on the 4th, 5th, 6th Amendments, Courtroom Procedures and Policies, Courtroom Evidence, Report Writing, and Federal Courts. A 70 is required for passing and myself along with my roommate and one other all got 69's. The test that FLETC writes for us are just retarded. Written by 5 year olds apparently. Horrible grammar and 5-6 questions didn't even make sense. The whole class complained and we asked FLETC to consider throwing a question out. After 2 days they informed our instructors that they threw out question 35. My roommate Shaun and the other guy Austin, had their scores raised from a 69 to a 71. I did not get this luxury. Unfair? Yes. Life? Yes. I've learned to not expect anything from people. Just a bunch of crap in my mind. So since we only get 1 retake, I already used mine up. I had to retake the test on Friday the 17th. Luckily I passed with a 78 which was above the class average. This test was hard and poorly written. As far as stress goes, this was the worst week of my life. What sucks now is that every test from here on out, 4 more, I will be in the same stressful state, since if I fail to make a 70 I just pack up and go home. Plus if I don't get a 70 I don't get my college degree. So that doesn't help with stress.

We had another physical test last week, which was a standard test for physical fitness. The fail time was anything past 7:30, I did it in 4:04 so I think I'm ok with that.

We started doing our outdoor Lab stuff this week. We did Basic Tactics Friday and Saturday of this last week. I really enjoyed it. Friday we went over the different shooting positions and how to engage threats, which was fun. We did building breaching, room clearing, building clearing, building entry, threat assessment, clearing strategies, and cover/concealment tactics on Saturday. This was really fun. We used a dark firehouse where they train firefighters by lighting fires and smoking the building out. Really cool building. While we were waiting for other groups to get through the building we were practicing some techniques out in the training area around the building. Myself and a fellow classmate were practicing two man cover/advance techniques and I was carrying a M-4 Carbine (Practice Rifle) during this exercise. As I was advancing from a large cover object to a small one, I sprinted from cover, slid on one knee, then dove behind the propane tank into a prone or laying down on my stomach position. As I did this I busted my elbow on a concrete slab that I didn't see. I just went with it and continued the exercise. When we finished, we walked back to the building. Someone said, Zach you're bleeding. I looked down and my elbow was gushing blood. I said,"Cool" and just continued to prepare for my building clearing turn. The class EMT made me wash it out and then put a gauze patch on it. Apparently my instructor was watching from the top of the building with some other classmates. I did not know this. I guess he looked at my classmates and said, "If that was on purpose, that was really cool." Felt good to get recognized by someone like Mr.Boudrot who is maybe the most insane man I've ever met. He has done martial arts since he was 7, and became an instructor for martial arts in High School. He is a SWAT team trainer and participant and is just a super hardcore dude. So for him to say that about me, made me feel kinda special. I wasn't going for that, but it's just a bonus. My classmates said I looked the part of a SWAT member because I had my Under Armour black gloves on, an M-4 Carbine, tactical flashlight, and accidentally got some carbon on my face from the building that they set on fire. All of the training that day reminded me of playing paintball and airsoft so I just tried to have fun with it.

We are hopefully done with classroom lectures for a while. I like the practical stuff alot better and I'm better at it as well.

I got a Valentine package from my parents with a bunch of Clif Bars in it, which is a major part of my diet, so that was an awesome surprise. I also got a card from Katrina and that was funny and really nice to get. Helps me feel connected to all the people back home.

I'm still counting down the days till I can come home and can't wait for my first week back to see and hang out with all my friends. Graduating from college will be nice too I guess haha.

Today, my only day off in two weeks, it decided to rain all day so that was depressing. Watching movies and studying all day has been sorta relaxing though.

Miss you all,

Zach

I am machine.....

I have adapted to all surroundings and to all aspects of my life here. Today concluded our 20 hour lecture over the 4th amendment and I must say, it's time to take a breath. We have gone for 3, 8 hour days in a row in the same room, no windows, sitting up straight, no slouching. Only a week and a half more of the law and policies and then we start the really fun stuff. The stuff that will make me a force, beyond what I ever thought I could be. The tools necessary for me to take on whatever life throws at me, both mentally and physically. I am paranoid. We are paranoid. Constantly checking our surroundings, constantly knowing everything that is going on around us. Constantly being tested on our situational awareness. At any given moment we can be asked, "how many people were in the hall" or "what was the medic wearing". Constant. I can't look at anyone without assessing size, potential weapons, methods of escape, methods of take-down, methods of death. It is becoming sub-conscience. It is pretty awesome really. Not that I think I am some perfect being or some perfect person who can't be defeated, but we are taught to think that way. If we take away all of the enemies advantages, we will prevail.

Yesterday was our third Physical Training day. We ran 6.2 miles, up the biggest hills and steepest mountains. After doing research and listening to a friend on breathing, I know now what I'm capable of. Arms at my side and a constant, slow, breathing in.......and out. I didn't even sweat until mile 3. I don't talk, I don't look around, I don't do anything but put one foot in front of the other. People said I looked constipated, I laughed inside as they fell behind and struggled to keep up while gasping for air. I end the runs and don't remember where we went. I couldn't recreate the route if I tried. I ignore the pain in my ankle best I can, even though flashes of sharp, stinging pain rush through my brain. It feels like a group of thumbtacks in the bottom of my shoe. All I can do is ice it. Ice it and ignore. As we returned back towards the school, the stupid, Masters degree know it all girl, cuts me off to try and "impress?" I guess. Oh my, this, made me so mad. Tazer day will be oh so sweet. As cruel as that sounds. It will be funny seeing her get tazed.

I'm not sure if it's becoming routine, or if I am becoming a machine out here. I wake up, go to class and cram as much information as I can in 8 hours. Then come home and read till I can't think anymore. Then I work out till I can't lift my arms or even sit up. Then I shower and go to bed. I honestly feel amazing. Today I drank over 2 gallons of water. Yesterday over a gallon. Honestly I am looking forward to hopefully getting to get back to Manhattan in time for one last dodgeball go. People won't know what happened. It will be slaughter. Already my body is transformed. Molded by self-motivation and a drive and want to be better than everybody else. I hope to be in the 90th percentile of fitness by PEB #3 in April. There is also a fitness award  that I want, really bad. It'd be rad to grab that. Others are fit yes, but few can do every exercise well. I judge my progress by the veins in my arms. Every day they are more and more prominent and every day I feel better and better. I've learned that diet is a big part of how you "feel". I eat just enough to support my "lifestyle". It consists of mostly protein crap. Tuna sandwiches and fruit is my main consumed food. I've eaten fast food once or twice and only 1 pop in the 3 weeks of being here, only because I passed the first exam. I had to celebrate somehow.

This is basically a blog about how I feel good about myself I guess. Lame yes, stupid...yes.

I definitely feel myself changing. Somehow, I don't know how to put it in words, except that I am changing. Slowly but surely. Yay emo sentence. LOL JK

Still can't wait to come home!

More to come-

Zach

Exam 1

Well my second week here is done. I have never been so ready for a weekend. We have been lectured for 8 hours a day, all week. I am so mentally drained. My stress levels have been dangerously high this week also because we had our first exam this morning. The exam was over all the laws and regulations that we have to know, so it was a bit of a chore. We had one guy who didn't pass so he has to retake it Monday. Poor guy.

Honestly this week feels like one day, I can't differentiate between the days. We had PT on Monday, which consisted of a 5 mile run through the mountains. I couldn't believe I ran that far. I have never ran that far in my life. My ankle started acting up after mile 3ish and the steep hills and descents didn't help. I finished just behind the instructor so I feel good about that. After returning to the school as a group, (the group I was in because there are some slow people) the people that did return sooner, myself included, we had to do shoulder torture basically. We had to hold our arms straight out to the side, with fingers up, and do small circles, for 5 minutes. Sounds easy, but trust me, it's not. We had to do it till everyone got back so we could stretch. I don't see why we have to be punished for being in shape, oh well, it's only helping me get stronger. We also had PT yesterday, Thursday, and that was only a 2.2 mile run. The ankle held up and I was clipping at Mr. Boudrot's heels the whole time. The guy is a running freak. He doesn't sweat ever. I think he could run 50 miles. Even after the 5 mile run he looked like he had ran up a flight of stairs, just breathing a little hard. INSANE!!

This weekend I'm going to try and explore some, and get some cool pictures of this place. Having a 2 day weekend is going to be so nice. I can't even tell you how tired I am, physically and mentally. Exhausted doesn't even cut it. I'm going to lay around and not feel bad about it. I'm super excited to play ultimate Frisbee on sunday, then going to watch the super bowl with classmates. Should be an "OK" weekend in my books.

Wish I had a gun here, some classmates are going to the shooting range next weekend.

New development!!! I just won a $200 gift card to an awesome outdoors store here in Franklin. I have never won anything like this ever. I shall be going there tomorrow to pick it up and probably purchase some sweet stuff. All winter gear is half off so it will be a good day!!

-That's all for now,
Zach

Physical Efficiency Battery

Today we did our PEB testing for physical fitness. I'm happy to say that I've lost another 10 pounds and scored well on the flexibility and body composition. I came in 5th in the 1.5 mile run and out of 26 students, and I'll take that. 2 kids here are cross country freaks. For my age group I scored a time in the 83rd percentile for all students in the Law Enforcement Academies in the United States. I also scored decent on my benchpress, lifting 110% of my body weight. I could lift more if the machine they used was more "tall" friendly. It makes you start the lift from too low and my shoulder hurt after doing it. Oh well, I have 3 months to work out and bump that percentage up. We had a guy lift 380 pounds, but he's fat and ran slow and sucked at everything else. I also did well on my Illinois Agility run. I had a time of 16.75 seconds and that was on wet pavement so when I do it in May, I know that will be much faster.

Overall I think I'm very high in the class as far as fitness goes. I'm continuing to lose a lot of weight, partly due to my turkey sandwich and banana for lunch diet. I haven't had pop since my dad left and don't see myself drinking it while I'm here at all. I enjoy being in good shape and realize how not in shape I was before coming here, haha and I'm only 3 days in! I may actually reach my weight goal of 190-195 pounds.

The amount of information that I am receiving is ridiculous. My brain is so tired from 8 hour lectures. Today was only 4 hours of lecture and 4 hours of Physical Training. Tomorrow is another full 8 hour lecture day. So draining for me since I can't use pop to wake myself back up.

I like everyone in the class except one girl. She sits right in front of me and shakes her head yes if she agrees with the instructor, or no if she doesn't. But her head NEVER stops moving. She is a living bobble-head.  She does this constantly. Constantly sucking up to our instructors. Such a stupid Know-it-all. Everyone in class feels the same way too, we've all talked about it. She claimed yesterday that she runs 8-10 miles, and I beat her 1.5 mile time by over a minute and a half. Cocky idiot. Yes I am tired and cranky tonight but she sucks and you all should know she does. She can take her masters degree and shove it.

I try to be perfect here, since that's what they want anyways, not that it doesn't come with consequences. My roommate told me to not get burnt out and that he thinks I'm trying too hard. I know I am, but I just don't want to be noticed for anything that isn't perfect, since that is met with physical demands such as pushups or running. Everything that does happen in class that isn't perfect, we do physical things as a group. So if one person continues to screw up, they will soon know about it. We can't hit him or anything, just yell at him when he messes up. I already see one guy making us do a ton of stuff by how sloppy he is in general. I shouldn't complain since I want to get in great shape.

Oh well.

Sorry for the cranky blog.
Zach

Another day

Well I'm two days in going on to my third. Today, (second day) was a morning filled will drill instructions. How to march in formation, how to turn, how to do all that stuff. For me, a really easy morning since showchoir pretty much made my feet know how to do right. haha. Strange thing about drill this morning. We were expecting some guy to just yell and scream at us, but we were met by a neat surprise. Our drill instructor was a recent graduate of the program here and has only been out in the "world" for a few months. She, yes she, was also very pretty. She told us, "I know you think I'm just a cheerleader, but I've worked very hard to earn my place here among the force." So I respect her for that. I did laugh at her when she came around inspecting our salutes, because she couldn't see mine and said, "You're too tall" and moved on. HAHA she got owned. I was doing it right though. Also while doing the turns and different cadence calls, so told me I could stand aside because I had it down. I think 8 hour days of dancing dance steps finally paid off!

After lunch, the positions of Sergeant and Corporal were given out to the two students who showed the most leadership and discipline. My roommate Shawn was awarded Corporal, which he wasn't happy about. He's been through 4 camps now like this and he didn't want any responsibility. Being the roommate though, it will only make me better as well. While drilling, he and another Marine were helping everyone and the instructors saw this as leadership, when he was only doing what he could do to help. He wasn't trying to show off or stand out. So I feel bad that he has to do it. The other guy got the rank of Sergeant. His name is Robert and he's alright, really nice, but really "Marine". So kinda a d-bag.

 The afternoon was filled with lecture. Today's main lesson was History and Mission of the NPS (National Park Service). This was very boring. Sitting through 6 hours of it I was so ready to just fall asleep, it was torture.

Tomorrow we have our first PEB or Physical  Efficiency Battery. As a 21 year old I must score in the 25 percentile of my peers. Basically it's a 1.5 mile run, an agility run, pushups, benchpress, and a stretch test. I timed myself in the 1.5 mile run in Manhattan last month and if I can keep that pace I will be in the 92-93 percentile, which is pretty good I think. I also have to benchpress a percentage of my body weight, and since I weigh about 210 pounds, and can benchpress at least 210 pounds, I think I'll be ok since it will be just a percentage of that. Pushups I got down and stretch and agility we will just have to wait and see. My ankle is still really bad and I'm not sure how the agility will affect that. I'll just have to take it easy.

Trying to fall asleep and pay attention is that hardest thing for me right now. Although I'm tired, even now, I still have so many thoughts running through my brain that it's hard for me to focus on just sleeping. I've been watching things on Netflix just to "distract" my thoughts. It's working so far, but I"m going to be later than I'd like. During class, especially today, my brain was all over the place. I took good notes and followed along well, but it was a constant struggle to keep on task. Just too many things are happening all at once in my life right now and it's kind of starting to show in my brain. It's a mixture of knowing what I want, and confusion all at the same time. Very mentally draining, which is partly why I'm so tired all the time. Luckily I don't have any time to just sit and think. I basically got up at 6:30am and have been working on things from then till about 10:00pm.  That's a  long day if you can add up the hours.

I'm really looking forward to a day off to just collect and catch up on some needed rest. Sadly that day isn't for another week. I'm doing my best to stay off the radar. Not that I'm not trying here, but I'm doing enough to not get noticed, but also not doing too much, and getting noticed. I think as long as I do what I'm told, and do it well, and don't complain ever, I'll be just fine. The days are already starting to blend together, and it feels like just one big day so far which is good and bad I guess. It's going by fast I think, and am so excited to be home already.

There is a girl in class that was talking about going skiing, so I'll have to see where she's going and try and tag along, I fear I won't get to do that as much as I wanted to. :(

-Zach

D-Day tomorrow.....

Well my dad left today to fly back home to Kansas. Super hard to let him out of here. He was such a  great help and I wouldn't have been able to  do anything without him here. So thanks Dad.

Other than drop him off I haven't done much today. I started my workout's for while I'm out here. This consists of running to the top of my mountain, and the "300" workout. I think the combination of this will prove sufficient for my stay out here.My roommate heard that our Physical Training is only 1.5 miles of running. If it is, I am going to destroy all people.

 I'm downing the bananas in preparation for the cramps I will have tomorrow. I need to eat healthier though. That's step two. 2 hotdogs or a sandwich is not going to cut it. I NEED MORE! I'll have to find some good meals to make for myself and roommate Shawn. He's really cool. He was in Afganistan not too long ago fighting for our country and lives in Alaska, and is going to work there when he is done here. His fiance is from New York, where he is also from, and she went home today too. She may or may not come back to stay after a month goes by. She cooks very well so I hope she comes back!

I start class tomorrow and both Shawn and I don't know what to expect. It should prove to be an exciting day. My countdown for coming home officially starts tomorrow. Even though I know it will probably be fun here. You better believe that the second I'm done graduating from out here, I'm jumping in my car and driving straight home, stopping as little as possible. I already calculated that I need to stop 3 times for fuel if I leave with a full tank. I'll get food at one stop and only gas at the rest. 16 hours is long, but a couple Red Bulls and I'll be home before I know it. Not that I'm not excited to be doing this, I'm just amazingly excited for my return home. I smiled just writing that sentence, that's how excited I am.

 I have been reading my "textbook" for class, and I must say, this is the biggest waste of my time ever. Completely pointless and I am "dumber" just for reading it. Shawn agrees so it's not just me. He said you could slam your hand in the door and learn more than this book teaches you hahaha. He has 2000 movies here so that's going to help us when we get bored.

My bathroom has a heated floor, and I've decided, that when I have a house I am putting one in. It's so amazing when getting out of the shower.  Nice warm floor, ha makes me want to shower just thinking about it.

I'm going to go ahead and apologize for how much "blogging" I will be doing. I told myself I would blog once a week, but I see now that it's going to be more often than that. I'll at least feel like I'm "communicating" with people if I write. I know someone will read it. I hope all of you who are reading this are not already sick of hearing me blab. Put yourself in the middle of a forest on a mountain and tell me you wouldn't be lonely. If you think you wouldn't be, lies.

I hope all of you are having a great start to 2012!
-Kbai

Zach

North Carolina

Well we made to NC no problem this afternoon. We ate at a good barbecue place in town then headed to my place in the mountains. I had such high expectations for my place, everything seemed well. But when we got there, it was nothing like how the lady advertised. The master room is awesome, as is the kitchen and living room. But my so called "room" was nothing more than a hallway with a small twin bed in it. I was so devastated. Mixtures of anger and sadness overwhelmed me and it was all just a lot to deal with. Basically I panicked. I thought that I couldn't live in the space and although I was going to tough it out, my dad immediately started looking for a new place. Problem being, that it was 4pm on Saturday. We didn't hear back from anything we found, or that my mom found actually, she was such a big help. My landlord was talking to dad and I, by the way she sounds like she may die any second, she's just old, and my roommate Shaun showed up. He was in Afganistan for a while fighting for our country so it's cool to be rooming with him. He's a solid guy and I see us being friends through the rest of our time here together. He is pretty in shape so I have a lot of work to do to get at his level but I'll try.

Long story short, I'm staying in my current place. Shaun and I may look at other options once we get going with training but we will just have to see. I think I can tolerate it for now and we will see how I hold up as I get further into training.

Dad took me to Wal-Mart to get groceries and picked up the bill, such a great guy. I'm so glad he is here with me. I'm not sure what I would have done if he had not been here when I saw my place. I really don't know, I'm so unstable right now and I think being alone here without him would have proven to be not too good. So glad he is here to be my rock and shoulder to lean on.

I'd like to say congrats to my friend for buying a new car today!! Always fun to get new stuff in my opinion.

K now on to the mountains. OH MY GOSH! The scenery here is out of this world. I've never seen anywhere so beautiful (except Colorado where I want to live someday) I plan on taking so many pictures while I'm here. I am going to explore every time I have free time. I may add more to this later but I'm sleepy and need to start getting some good rest. I still think too much at night and that keeps me up late so I'm hoping that stops soon.

Till whenever,

Zach

Made it to Nashville

Well we made it to Nashville around 7pm tonight. I ended driving the whole trip today which I didn't plan on, but did. I must say, the accents here are horrible. I really can't stand that but it is something that I will have to get used to I think. Got to see a lot of country that I have never seen. We had great roads all the way here in Nashville and we rolled along pretty good. No cops or anything so that's always nice. Have a great time with my dad and got to talk to him a lot and that was nice. Something we haven't done enough of. He is an amazing man and I'm so lucky and honored to have him as a father. I hope the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

 Earlier today it went so great. I was excited to get to my training and was feeling so good emotionally. After getting to Nashville or a little before, I started thinking about things and started getting pretty down again. I really thought that getting a ways away from home and people I love would make things easier but again, I was wrong. I'm going to stop now and go ahead and apologize for this post and probably the next few as they are going to be me just saying how sad I am and how much I want to be home. I know things will get easier and better once my training starts, but until then, it's going to be rough. I've decided that I'll use guitar as an escape from things and may even try my hand at song writing. The last few months have been so hard and I've learned that if I don't express my feelings I may lose what I love so I figure I need anything to get my mind off of all that.

I'm going to try and do a lot of hiking whenever I have daylight. Not only for fitness, but to try and be not sitting and thinking. The break from my internship till now I have had so much time to think, and the more I think, the worse I get. I am so sick of feeling down and out. I know talking about it probably isn't helping, but I have to say something, to someone, anyone. Sorry that my thoughts and feelings are coming out on here, but what else is a blog for? I am just so confused on my feelings lately and hopefully I catch a break soon.

But back to what I'm doing. We are staying in a hotel tonight in Nashville and then leaving in the morning. Only 4 hours of driving tomorrow so that's much better than the 12 I did today. I may have dad drive tomorrow though. I need to try and read my book for school. I hate reading and have been struggling to get that reading done. I'm looking forward to running down here in the south country. It's nice temperatures and I'm really excited to get more fit and strong. I'm sure none of you know this, but I have always been insecure on my looks. As a guy, I know we are always wanting to be strong and fit and I'm hoping that with this training, I get into the shape I want to be in. I plan on taking photos of my first day and my last day here. If I make good progress I may post them but again, I'm insecure about it so I may not, time will tell.

I know I will do well here though. I'm am one of the most competitive guys I know, and my whole goal here, is to make everyone else look like crap. I'm not going to be cocky or arrogant to anyone at my training center, but they should know, a Kansas farm boy is about to rock their world. If I'm not the most in shape, or the best shooter, or the best trainee, I will be very shortly. It may seem shallow or mean, but I love when I realize that I'm better than someone at things I enjoy. I feel such a joyous feeling of success that it makes me try even harder. Main things like this are dodgeball and snowboarding for me. Mainly I just like being good at things.

Sitting here watching Gold Rush with dad in the hotel. Getting some sleep tonight for our departure tomorrow. I look forward to taking pictures of my place and my area to show you all, if I can figure out how to post photos on here. They will be on my facebook too.

Till tomorrow,
Zach

Leaving friends

Well I guess here's my attempt at blog #2.

Leaving my friends yesterday was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. I wish I could say I didn't cry but I did. I'm pretty sure I shed more tears yesterday than the rest of my life combined. Actually, I know that's a fact. I never cry and I gotta say, I hate it haha. I know it's a release but I feel so weak and so pathetic crying like I was. At this time I'd like to thank a certain someone for being my "listener" for the day, so thank you very much. I know that I will see everyone again in just 3.5 months, but this is something I have never done in my life and that's being so far from everyone I know. This blog title should just be Emo Zach but I'll try not to be a pansy here.

Leaving Nibbler was hard. Having a companion by your side for as long as he has, it's hard to just up and leave him. Knowing he's in good hands is a bonus though.

Saying goodbye to my sister Katrina was really hard too. She's in her second semester at K-State and I've been around her all break so it's hard to say bye to a close sister and friend. On that note, saying bye to Nathan and Adam was also hard, I just wasn't around them as much so its a little easier with them.

Today my mom brought me cookies and milk while I was packing up. That made me realize how much I will miss her. She is so caring and loving and its just another hard thing to do.

I stopped by Jordan Broxtermans house before I left Manhattan. Getting to be with those guys for a few hours was really nice for me. I didn't think I'd see them before I left and that was kinda hard to take, luckily I did stop by and just hanging out is going to be something I miss greatly.

I'm such a worry-er. I know that some people are concerned for my safety and some are going to miss me just as much as I miss them, but I tell you now that I am horrible at letting my worries get the best of me. It's something that I'm working on but I guess I really can't help it. I'd say that is more of a good trait than bad, but it's whatevz.

Trying to finish up my packing for the trip today and tomorrow will finalize all trip preparations for an early departure on Friday around 7am. I am really looking forward to taking lots of pictures of my trip out there and our stop in Nashville.

I'll stop for today as this is just another reason for me to procrastinate more from my tasks ahead.
Photos coming soon!!!!

-Zach

The start of it all

Monday, January 16

Well I leave for the big North Carolina at the end of the week. I figured that I should try and get used to this blogging thing before I get out there so that maybe I can keep it up to let people know that I'm still alive out there.

Today I came to Manhattan to drop off Nibbler with Kacie and spend some time with friends before I leave them all for the 3.5 months that I'll be out there. I was really looking forward to today and was so glad to see Kacie again after all this time. She really is a best friend and it's just nice to see her again. I've learned recently that I cannot be without my friends. I realize that I need people much more than I thought and I am not as "Independent" as I thought I was. Although I'm sure I will meet a lot of nice people out East, it still hurts a lot to have to leave people and family behind.

This will be the farthest and longest that I have ever been away from my family and that scares me a bit. I know I big and seem strong but inside, I'm really kinda a softy. I mean, I have a bunny for Pete's sake! At least he is being left in great hands.

My father is going to be driving out to NC with me and we are doing the drive in two days since it's a 16 hour one. Staying in Nashville Friday night and then getting to my duplex on Saturday afternoon probably if all goes well. My training will be starting the Tuesday of that week and I am looking forward for something new and exciting to do. I am staying with a guy and his fiance and their dog so I won't be in a house by myself which I am so glad for. I'm afraid that had I stayed in a place by myself I may have gone insane. All the emotions of this last month and all the changes that I have had to make in my life the last thing that I wanted was to be alone again, 1000 miles from any friends or family. It would not have been a healthy place for me to say the least. But again, not trying to write an emotional novel.

Not saying that I'm a wuss or anything, but I am a little scared of what the future holds for me. I am excited to see what that all might entail, but still scary at the same time. I know I can sorta come off as tough or trying to be, but that's because I have a great shell to try and hide my emotions from everyone. I know this whole blog is random but whatevz, you don't have to read it haha. It easiest for me to speak when I can't see peoples faces so my true feelings and thoughts are going to come out on here. So be prepared for that!

I'll stop for today, keep a look out for future posts. Especially next week when I get out East.

Till then,
Zach